a shift at work awaits at five in a mildly off-putting conclusion to a weekend of misses both near and not even close. i think it may prove easier to switch gears right after mass has been sung and churn out eight or nine hours than it is to do the same with five from a weary standstill.
welcome, first of all. i hope that what you find makes you glad you looked. always comment, question, and converse as you see fit. i am sorry things are dark, around here. but whatever else this space may happen to be, it has to be honest. and that’s the middle of it, right now. thanks for coming along anyway.
“I’d woken up early, and I took a long time getting ready to exist.”
Let me begin again as a speck
of dust caught in the night winds
sweeping out to sea. Let me being
this time knowing the world is
salt water and dark clouds, the world
is grinding and sighing all night, and dawn
comes slowly, and changes nothing.
-Philip Levine, excerpt from the poem, “Let me begin again”
it was as I tried not to fear it would be.
my heart hurts.
“Time takes it all: whether you want it to or not, time takes it all. Time bears it away, and in the end there is only darkness. Sometimes we find others in that darkness, and sometimes we lose them there again.”
and already i dread tomorrow. the inexorable grab at more of that which i have so little left to give. the giving which is itself all i feel i have left, anymore.
“More and more frequently
of me dissolve.”
the blur of a too-soon morning somewhere behind the eyes, smudging under half-attempts to shake clarity free. the sun a magnifying glass paraded; a cruel grin, gorging upon undiscerned implication.